Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ttidcc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!linus!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!regard From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: raising kids in your spare time Message-ID: <218@ttidcc.UUCP> Date: Thu, 7-Feb-85 11:46:24 EST Article-I.D.: ttidcc.218 Posted: Thu Feb 7 11:46:24 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 11-Feb-85 06:17:58 EST Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA. Lines: 37 Oh, yeah, and addendum from a just remembered source -- course, I can't remember the source. It was one of the many books I read during my daughter's first two years. Re doing dangerous things and not taking no for an answer -- the source felt that the child was learning by your responses, but not quite in the way you intended. When s/he puts a fork in the wall outlet and you say no, s/he is the interested in that no. Does it mean no fork? Does it mean no outlet? Does it mean no for today but not tomorrow? Does it mean I shouldn't sit to poke the outlet with the fork, but stand in stead? Consequently, as you have to repeat "no" over and over, as the child continues to poke the outlet, s/he is learning the parameters of "no" all the while. This is a little risky in practice, and most folks get distressed enough on the first poke to grab the kid and the fork and throw one across the room while swatting the other. It was noted by my unreferenced source that tribal children in Africa often handle knives at a very young age, and from observation of parents, apparently did so very safely, whatever that is worth. Better to have them learn about the dangers of life than to protect them always from those dangers, since you can't in fact protect them always. Second point. When I was training horses, the idea was to put the horse into a such a circumstance that his instinctual inclination was what you really wanted him to do, and then you congratulated him. Kids are a little bit more intelligent than horses, but they still like being congratulated, even if they intended to go about their business anyway. My daughter is never more willing than when her inclination matches the preferred behavior-- particularly when mom notices. That's one of the reasons I like her to solve the big questions herself ("if this doesn't occur, what should your punishment be?" "your friend is misbehaving in your house. What are you going to do about it?"). It makes her consider her own preferences, and alligns them with the preferred behaviour of the household. Now, she is old enough to puzzle this out, but even a two year old will understand "you don't really want to be bad, and have everybody upset -- what do you really want instead?"