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From: akl@leopard.UUCP (Anita Laux)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: marriage
Message-ID: <122@leopard.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 13-Feb-85 15:56:29 EST
Article-I.D.: leopard.122
Posted: Wed Feb 13 15:56:29 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 14-Feb-85 02:14:27 EST
References: <536@decwrl.UUCP>
Organization: Bell Communications Research, NVC, 331 Newman Springs Road, Red Bank, NJ 07701
Lines: 57

<>
> Simplifying a great deal for this discussion, I see two big causes of this
> situation (marriages that don't last, marriages that never had the makings of
> lasting): the lie of romance and the crippling effects of the division by
> gender of roles.  I'm fond of romance too, but the big problem we all know
> about is that you don't get married and live happily ever after. It's suicide
> of the soul to think of it that way--it's not a goal, it's a road, but if you
> think of courtship as the mountain to be climbed, then what can you do at the
> top but jump off?  The gender problem is too big to discuss, but one corner of
> it is the mythology with which little girls are raised to interpret life as
> just this mountain and this jump abandoning autonomy.  Another corner: the
> lack of instruction little boys are given regarding the emotional aspects of
> human life.  How can we expect to communicate with each other across this
> deep canyon?
> 
> L S Chabot

I've been a silent reader of net.singles for some time now, but I feel that I
have to throw in my 3-cents' worth on this one. I happen to be very close to
someone whose marriage is not exactly a bed of roses these days, and one of
the main reasons why this situation exists is because the male half can't
seem to deal with the "emotional aspects" that are a part of being married
to someone.  People can change, and when one person feels that things are
closing in about them, they tend to expect their partner (married or not, I
suppose) to be able to provide them with some sort of emotional and/or
spiritual support. When this is lacking, when all they receive is either
physical attention or nothing at all, things tend to fall apart quickly.

We all need to realize that we're human, and not as *perfect* as the 
computers and machines that we are surrounded by each day. The Bell
Communications Research publication "Insight" had an excellent article a
while back on "Technostress", or on how to stay human in the electronic
workplace.  Hopefully, I won't be shot down in flames for reprinting this
following small exerpt:

	At its most serious, this form of technostress can cause aberrant
	and antisocial behavior and the inability to think intuitively or
	creatively. In some cases, spouses report that their technocentered
	partners began to view them almost as machines.

I firmly believe that people in the electronic workplace must guard against
this sort of thing much more than those in some other forms of employment.
Unfortunately, from what I've seen, this desease can quickly become fatal.

Comments are welcome. I would like to be able to help out in my particular
situation, if possible.
-- 


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	From the musical keyboard of:			**
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	Anita K. Laux   leopard!akl			*  *
	Bell Communications Research		     ****
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