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From: jss@sjuvax.UUCP (J. Shapiro)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Compatability
Message-ID: <827@sjuvax.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 9-Feb-85 05:13:30 EST
Article-I.D.: sjuvax.827
Posted: Sat Feb  9 05:13:30 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 11-Feb-85 05:37:00 EST
References: <318@lzmi.UUCP>
Organization: Saint Josephs Univ. Phila., Pa.
Lines: 49

[Aren't you hungry...?]

	I have posted a couple of times now describing some parts of my
relationship with my current SO.  There are other aspects of it that are
not so cheery. In spite of being at Haverford College, I am capable of
being all too narrow, and at times the place is frustrating because of
that. Putting up with that for the sake of a broad education was something
I committed myself to when I went to H'ford.

	I am basically a hacker fascinated by man-machine interfaces for both
non hackers and software developers (who I believe approach the computer in
fundamentally different ways). There are many things I would like to
explore, and all too often the computer is a tool I would use in these
explorations.  As a result I actively seek to make myself learn outside of
the field.  I suspect that 15 years down the road I will wish I had. I find
that once I get started, I enjoy it.

	My SO is a philosopher, not in the least bit interested in computers
(indeed, afraid of them). As philosophy is one of the things I am working
on, we trade off back and forth at teaching each other (by the way,
Macintosh's are great for computer-phobes). That works, for now, but for a
while the communication was not so good, and it seemed our interests were
diverging.  Yet I find that having stuck to it and recognized the
communication problem (and remedied parts of it - I am sure it wil return),
I am learning a great deal, and enjoying the time I spend with her in her
field of interest. I think that she is doing the same with mine. It is
amazing to what extent philosophy relates to set theory and computers and
all sorts of things. We are both finding that the introduction of outside
perspectives is a wonderful thing.

	This won't work long term.  We have different goals, and unless both of
our interests broaden we should not attempt to make the relationship work
as a marriage.  Even so, she is a terrific lady. (besides, we are both too
young).

	The rambling point here is that not only is it vital to actively pursue
(sp?) communication, it is also vital to make sure there is something
important to both of you to communicate about. It isn't just true for
marriages, but for all relationships.  The hard thing about it is getting
the perspective on something so personal.

	Do I say anything new (or in a better way), or do all of you know this
already? I have seen a lot of comments about commitment, and few about
what is entailed in the commitment, and what prerequisites are necessary to
a commitment that may work. If I am not adding something with my admittedly
inexperienced perspective, I can be persuaded to listen more...

Jon Shapiro
Haverford College