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From: scott@yale.ARPA (Walter Scott)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: SO extensions (terminalology)
Message-ID: <455@yale.ARPA>
Date: Sun, 3-Feb-85 20:42:38 EST
Article-I.D.: yale.455
Posted: Sun Feb  3 20:42:38 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 8-Feb-85 03:28:56 EST
References: <1613@ittvax.UUCP> <1969@sun.uucp>
Reply-To: scott@yale-comix.UUCP (Walter Scott)
Distribution: net
Organization: Yale University CS Dept., New Haven CT
Lines: 63

In article <1969@sun.uucp> sunny@sun.uucp (Sunny Kirsten) writes:
>  OSO - Other Signifigant Other
>       If your #1 mate is your "SO", then
>          your #2-#n mate is  "OSO", your other signifigant other(s)
>
>       I'm serious about the need for this one, and would be glad of
>       feedback on alternatives to describe this situation.
>
>Dealing with your "SO" when adding a new "OSO":
>
>       Having just spent a signifigant part of a weekend dealing with
>this problem, I was wondering what experiences / lessons others might have
>had.

Hooray!  I was wondering whether everyone on this net only had SOships
within the "socially acceptable norms." Glad to see someone else out
there has had a similar experience.

I agree with the terminology of OSO for #2 through #n SOs.  It seems to
correlate with the way my relationships have worked out in my mind.  I
can visualize a scale within my mind of "specialness" for every person
that I know, and if I look at the top of the scale I see at the peak my
#1 SO, and then after much distance, my #2 SO, or OSO, and then after
even more distance, everyone else.  I have been in the situation of
having 2 SOs for about 2 months now, and now that things have pretty
much settled down, I offer some observations:

Certainly none of us could have predicted it happening.  My SO and OSO
were already very close friends before I knew either one of them, and
the three of us ended up doing things together, and we more or less
naturally fell into a menage a trois.  SInce all three of us are mostly
heterosexual (oh yes, I'm male, they're female), things generally
drifted towards the situation as it now stands, my SO and OSO as close
friends but each of them in a close sexual relationship with me.

Reactions, feelings of each of us:

My SO was nervous for a little while, but once it became clear that she
was still my #1, so to speak, and that no outside relationships were
going to change that, she felt better.  On the whole I think that my
having an OSO for various reasons has enhanced my realationship with my
SO.  Neither my SO nor I are the posessive or jealous types; if
something on the same order happened to her, I'd be all for it.

My OSO wonderful human being that she is has no designs of trying to
undermine my relationship with my SO, or "replace" her.  She loves both
me and my SO too much anyway.  So she's quite happy with the way things
are.

I, needless to say, am confused but very happy.  I hope that this
situation lasts.  The time element seems to be no problem; I have enough
time in the week to see both of them to my hearts content.  Really the
only "problem" or difficulty, and it is really only on the order of a
minor annoyance, is dealing with the rest of society.  For example, my
roommate has met my SO but not my OSO.  It feels strange having to be
discreet or evasive around roommates, friends, parents, etc. just
because polygamy in this society is seen by many people as "abnormal" or
even "immoral."  What a strange world this is....

Love to all,

Walter Scott