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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!hplabs!tektronix!orca!davidl
From: davidl@orca.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.comics
Subject: Secret Wars in the toy stores!
Message-ID: <1018@orca.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 21-Aug-84 02:35:09 EDT
Article-I.D.: orca.1018
Posted: Tue Aug 21 02:35:09 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 22-Aug-84 05:10:32 EDT
Sender: davidl@orca.UUCP
Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR
Lines: 41

Now I understand what the Secret Wars are all about!

Yesterday I was stolling through the toy section of my local megamart
when I happened to spy the Secret Wars (TM) logo.  Behold!  A tiny Dr.
Doom (TM) figure, "leader of the Marvel Super Villains (TM)," about 3
1/2 inches high (not compatible with the older 5 1/4 inch figures, of
course :-) with his own Secret Message Shield (TM).  A quick perusal of
the rest of the aisle revealed:

	The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Doom Cycle (TM), complete with
	secret compartment and space for your favorite Marvel Super
	Villain (TM) figure;

	The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Dr. Doom (TM) Blaster Car (TM), a
	small toy car with an outrageously inaccurate figure of Dr.
	Doom molded inside;

	The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Iron Man (TM) Jet Cycle (TM), a toy
	motorcycle with an outrageously inaccurate figure of Shellhead
	molded onto it;

That's all I actually saw, although the back of each box boasted
illustrations of the other products in the Marvel Secret Wars (TM)
product line.  

Now we know:  Secret Wars was designed to sell these cheap-o (I mean
really cheaply made) toys to kids too young to know any better.  This
explains such momentous dialogue as "I, Crusher Creel, the Absorbin'
Man, will..." that made me so disgusted I didn't even buy #1 (and boy,
am I glad now!)

By the way, those (TM)s above are for real.  There must have been ten
or twenty little (TM)s on the Doom Cycle (TM) box alone.  Those Marvel
lawyers sure know what they're doing.  

Gimme Elfquest, D'arc Tangent (RIP), and Vaughn Bode' any old day.

David D. Levine  (...decvax!tektronix!tekecs!davidl)          [UUCP]
                 (tekecs!davidl.tektronix@csnet-relay.csnet)  [ARPA]

(TM) probably indicates a trademark of Marvel Comics Group.