Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site pyuxa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!pyuxww!pyuxa!barb From: barb@pyuxa.UUCP (B E Nemeth) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Exercising Message-ID: <949@pyuxa.UUCP> Date: Fri, 10-Aug-84 09:27:14 EDT Article-I.D.: pyuxa.949 Posted: Fri Aug 10 09:27:14 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 11-Aug-84 00:34:35 EDT Organization: Bell Communications Research, Piscataway N.J. Lines: 37 Recently an article was posted to net.jokes explaining the real truth about dieting. Here is an addition, explaining the REAL TRUTH ABOUT EXERCISING 1. Richard Simmons gets paid to exercise like a lunatic. You don't. 2. Aerobic exercises stimulate and speed up the heart. So do heart attacks. 3. Exercising around small children can scar them emotionally for life. 4. Jogging isn ot really exercise, but rather a form of self- abuse. Besides, do you really want legs as ropy as a veal shank? 5. No one at your health spa will ever look like they need to exercise ... except you. 6. It is unsafe to lift weights unless you've a driver ready to take you to the hospital when you rip your deltoids. 7. Sweating like a pig and gasping for breath is not refreshing; if you believe it is, you have serious problems. 8. No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done quietly at your desk at work. People will suspect manic tendencies as you twitter aorund in your chair. 9. Jumping rope is a very good way to lose inches and teeth. It's sublimely easy to trip and fall on our chin while doing double dutch. 10. Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys mosts is tripping joggers. 11. Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around for an hour smashing a little rubber ball--and each other--with a hard racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity. 12. Push-ups often lead to throw-ups. 13. Any activity that can't be done while smoking should be avoided. 14. Sports are an extremely dangerous activity for injury-prone amateurs and should be left to paid professionals. Why else would God have invented TV and the Super Bowl?