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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!ut-sally!ut-ngp!judy
From: judy@ut-ngp.UUCP (Judy Ashworth)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: an open and closed affair
Message-ID: <820@ut-ngp.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 6-Aug-84 17:31:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.820
Posted: Mon Aug  6 17:31:05 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 8-Aug-84 00:43:47 EDT
Organization: Comp. Center, Univ. of Texas at Austin
Lines: 44


  No, no, no! The difference between an "open" marriage and a "closed" 
marriage is NOT that the former is "honest" about having affairs and the
latter is not. The "open" refers to sexual relationships outside the
marriage being allowed, even expected. In a "closed" marriage, these
relationships are not allowed or expected, but that doesn't imply that
the relationship lacks honesty.
 It really makes me mad when I get the impression that people EXPECT their
spouse to cheat on them sometime - and are willing to accept it. I suppose 
that with an attitude like this an "open" marriage sounds comforting. But let
me tell you from my own experience that IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. You
don't have to settle for that. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be
forgiving if it does happen, but if you don't want it to happen, it doesn't
HAVE to. Don't tell ME about temptation; my marriage survived a year of it
because my husband and I were determined to succeed in keeping out such 
intrusions. For one whole year we put up with only being able to see each
other every 90 days - and then only for 12 days at a time. I'm not saying it
was easy to remain faithful, it wasn't, but we did it and it was worth it.
  Now neither Kevin nor I were super-human, so if we could do it - so can
you. In that year we learned to keep each other in mind always and not to
forget the promises we made to each other in favor of convenient, "instant",
temporary, physical gratification. The result is that we never afterward
doubted our dedication to each other. However, there was another man who
was stationed (with the Air Farce) with Kevin, who had an "open" marriage.
For months he boasted about how he could go into town for "some strange" 
without having to feel the least bit guilty because he and his wife had
this "understanding". Up until his wife went there for a visit. (This was
a NATO remote* site.) In the week she was up there she managed to bed six
other guys, including the Major. Her husband was so humiliated he refused
to talk of her for the rest of his tour. I don't know how she could have 
been so cruel, but after all, according to the "rules" of their marriage,
she had done nothing wrong...
  
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.  The unfaithful
business man may find that while he was away his wife had been with
his best friend ... No wonder Jr. doesn't look like him!

It will come back to you.

Judy


*remote means just that, for instance Hofn, Iceland. No women stationed
there, only about 60-70 men.