Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 beta 3/9/83; site qantel.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!mgnetp!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!qantel!israel From: israel@qantel.UUCP ( Renegade) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: True Grit Mysteries - Part 2 Message-ID: <165@qantel.UUCP> Date: Thu, 2-Aug-84 12:46:12 EDT Article-I.D.: qantel.165 Posted: Thu Aug 2 12:46:12 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 4-Aug-84 02:09:29 EDT Organization: MDS Qantel, Hayward CA. Lines: 46TALES OF ROGER GUTS, P.I. It didn't take me long to find out who I was workin' for. I just tailed her limo downtown, and while she was in a hardware store ordering a new toilet, I beat it out of her chauffeur. Turned out she was some rich bitch out of Boston named Ramona DeSwell. Her husband had recently drowned in their bathtub back home, so she thought coming out to L.A. might help her forget. This family sure seems to have some serious bathroom problems... Anyway, now I had some idea what was what. I ripped off a phone book from the nearest telephone booth, and tracked down her address. Then I hopped back into my jeep and drove up her front lawn to the door. I rang the bell. This mousey little French maid opened the door. "May I help you, Monsieur?" "Yeah, sweet stuff. I came to check out the exploding toilet. Show me the way, OK?" "Just a moment, Monsieur, are you the police?" She was good. However, I was in a hurry. "Look, sister, I don't gotta show you no stinkin' badges!" I gave her a quick knee to the crotch, and rushed on in. There wasn't much left of the bathroom. The toilet was totaled, the sink was smashed, the hamper was hampered, and I won't even mentioned what the shower curtain looked like, cause guys like me never talk about shower curtains. I began my investigation. The first thing I noticed was the toilet paper, it was soft and delicate, but it was extremely absorbent. Pretty colors, too. I prefer Brawny paper towels myself. Studying the area around the toilet base, I noticed small pieces golden-brown fur, which trailed off toward a small hole in the wall. This looked interesting, so I snatched up a sample. There didn't appear to be any other important clues, so I headed back out. The maid was still wimpering on the floor as I walked by. I felt kinda bad about that, so as I stepped out the door, I shouted back,"Your hair looks great!" I felt better. Had a friend down at the police lab I was blackmailing for touching himself in the men's room at the station house. I had him analyze the fur sample. He called me back later that evening. "No question about it, Roger. I checked it twice, just to make sure." "So what is it?" "Hamsters!" (Insert dramatic backround music) TO BE CONTINUED...