Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site orca.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!hplabs!tektronix!orca!davidl From: davidl@orca.UUCP Newsgroups: net.comics Subject: Secret Wars in the toy stores! Message-ID: <1018@orca.UUCP> Date: Tue, 21-Aug-84 02:35:09 EDT Article-I.D.: orca.1018 Posted: Tue Aug 21 02:35:09 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 22-Aug-84 05:10:32 EDT Sender: davidl@orca.UUCP Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR Lines: 41 Now I understand what the Secret Wars are all about! Yesterday I was stolling through the toy section of my local megamart when I happened to spy the Secret Wars (TM) logo. Behold! A tiny Dr. Doom (TM) figure, "leader of the Marvel Super Villains (TM)," about 3 1/2 inches high (not compatible with the older 5 1/4 inch figures, of course :-) with his own Secret Message Shield (TM). A quick perusal of the rest of the aisle revealed: The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Doom Cycle (TM), complete with secret compartment and space for your favorite Marvel Super Villain (TM) figure; The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Dr. Doom (TM) Blaster Car (TM), a small toy car with an outrageously inaccurate figure of Dr. Doom molded inside; The Marvel Secret Wars (TM) Iron Man (TM) Jet Cycle (TM), a toy motorcycle with an outrageously inaccurate figure of Shellhead molded onto it; That's all I actually saw, although the back of each box boasted illustrations of the other products in the Marvel Secret Wars (TM) product line. Now we know: Secret Wars was designed to sell these cheap-o (I mean really cheaply made) toys to kids too young to know any better. This explains such momentous dialogue as "I, Crusher Creel, the Absorbin' Man, will..." that made me so disgusted I didn't even buy #1 (and boy, am I glad now!) By the way, those (TM)s above are for real. There must have been ten or twenty little (TM)s on the Doom Cycle (TM) box alone. Those Marvel lawyers sure know what they're doing. Gimme Elfquest, D'arc Tangent (RIP), and Vaughn Bode' any old day. David D. Levine (...decvax!tektronix!tekecs!davidl) [UUCP] (tekecs!davidl.tektronix@csnet-relay.csnet) [ARPA] (TM) probably indicates a trademark of Marvel Comics Group.