Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.6.2.14 $; site uiucdcs.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!kaufman From: kaufman@uiucdcs.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Trekkie Horror Picture Show - (nf) Message-ID: <9900291@uiucdcs.UUCP> Date: Tue, 21-Aug-84 17:56:00 EDT Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.9900291 Posted: Tue Aug 21 17:56:00 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 23-Aug-84 01:12:19 EDT Lines: 67 Nf-ID: #N:uiucdcs:9900291:000:3243 Nf-From: uiucdcs!kaufman Aug 21 16:56:00 1984 #N:uiucdcs:9900291:000:3243 uiucdcs!kaufman Aug 21 16:56:00 1984 [Be just and interfere not] Ok, so it's a cute game matching up muppets with Rocky Horror characters, but think of the fun you can get by combining TWO cult classics. I am of course referring to Rocky Horror and Star Trek. Consider the following casting: Montgomery Scott as Dr. Frank N. Furter - A natural for the role. Consider the lines he can have such as "Throw up the reactor power just a wee bit, laddie." Who would deny that Scotty could create just about anything? Captain Kirk and Janice Rand as Brad and Janet - Kirk would also be well fit in his role as the Asshole. "Dammit Furter, I want answers!!" Rand is the natural love interest. The words to "Sweet Transvestite" could be slightly altered, such as: "I'm glad we caught you at home. Could we use your communicator?" (You see, the Enterprise got a flat dilithium crystal just a few light years down the road). Sulu and Uhura as Riff and Magenta - The two are certainly capable of a kinky relationship, as the "Mirror Mirror" episode alludes. And it is surely in the realm of thought for them to mutiny and order Scott to "prepare the transit beam". Nurse Chapel as Columbia and Mr. Spock as Eddie - Riding a motorcycle out of a freezer is highly illogical, and these roles were filled largely by default. I wonder why Scott has a bone to pick with Spock? :-) Dr. McCoy as Dr. Scott - Moonlighting as a science teacher, he will have plenty of opportunities to get barbs in at Mr. Spock. "From the day he was born, that Vulcan was rotten ... why, that green-blooded delivery boy can't even spell!" Plus the irony in the discovery that the two are related. Chekov as Rocky - We couldn't forget about him, could we? Sarek as the Criminologist - This role was made for a Vulcan. The audience can shout "Where's your hemoglobin?" The next logical step is to put one's hands on his hips... Gene Roddenberry and Number One as Ralph and Betty - This should be fairly self-explaqnatory. Mrs. Roddenberry shouldn't mind playing a double role. Various Klingons, Romulans, Gorns, Organians, Talosians, Andromedans, etc. as the Transylvanians. Of course, there are some very reasonable alternatives: 1) Replace Sarek (Criminologist) with Spock, while McCoy plays the role of Eddie (I'm a doctor, not a motorcyclist!) Captain Pike can then assume the role of Dr. Scott. Not only is there the convenience of conveyance, but Kirk/Brad can say, "He was my teacher at Starfleet." 2) Keep the changes in (1) above, except instead of having Pike as Scott, let Scotty play that role. There will be new meaning to the audience's "What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer?" He can tell Brad/Kirk how he's been working on a sonic transducer in his spare time. And of course, "Ach" translates nicely to "Aye". Checkov then inherits the role of Frank and can tell about being a "sweet transwestite" from Transsexual in Russia. He too will have some fine lines such as in the scene in which he seduces Kirk ... er - Brad: "I swear on the grave of my mother in Leningwowowowmmph." We are then able to put the genetically engineered superbody of Khan in the role of Rocky. Charles Atlas would approve! Any other thoughts? Ken Kaufman (uiucdcs!kaufman)