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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: "forward women"
Message-ID: <915@pucc-h>
Date: Fri, 3-Aug-84 14:41:38 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.915
Posted: Fri Aug  3 14:41:38 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 4-Aug-84 23:55:48 EDT
References: <2942@alice.UUCP>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 48

Reply to alice!jf's article on asking men out:

> case 1:  the guy already likes you.  then 9 times out of 10, he'll call you.
> so there's no need for you to call him.

The guy may like you but be very shy.  In fact, if he does like you, his
shyness vis-a-vis you is very likely to go up.	So I dispute this 9-out-of-10
figure.  It is tragic when two people like each other and are interested in
knowing each other more closely, but neither of them has the courage to make
the first move.  If you feel yourself able to make the first approach, by all
means do it!  If he does already like you, he'll be thrilled!

> case 2:  he doesn't like you.  then he's going to reject you when you call,
> and we all know that's a drag.

As I think Anita mentioned in her followup, why should the guys have to face
all the rejection?  The macho, unhurtable image has always been a lie; we are
quite sensitive to rejection, like all humans, regardless of sex (or gender).

> case 3:  he's undecided.  then 9 times out of 10 your calling him is going
> to put him off, not make him interested.

I personally would be flattered if I were asked out by someone I was
"undecided" about, i.e. someone who was attractive but in whom I had no strong
interest at the time.  Not many years ago, my campus church group had a
seminar/discussion session on male-female relationships.  During this, one of
the group leaders posed the question to the men:  "If a young woman asked you
out, would you go?  1, 2, 3...." and all the guys shouted "YES!"

The snag in all this is that there seems to be too much emphasis on finding
romance quickly.  It is wiser (though more difficult) to seek MOTOS's with
whom one can be friends; if you and one of those friends both decide that a
romantic relationship is in order, that's a pleasant bonus; but friendship
in itself has great rewards, even if the friend is an attractive MOTOS who is
not interested in romance (this I know from experience).  The only kicker with
this approach (seeking friends) is that not everyone one might ask out is
doing this; some may be very definitely seeking a romance, perhaps a romance
with the first halfway good MOTOS who shows up, whereas I'm not at all sure
what I want in a romantic partner, and I would rather get to know a fair
number of women before picking one to fall for (assuming I can keep my unruly
emotions controlled long enough for me to actually do this picking sensibly).

Sound reasonable?

-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{decvax|harpo|ihnp4|inuxc|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
May you have the wisdom of lions and the strength of owls -- er, ....