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From: hosking@convex.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Child As Surrogate Pet / Re: To Bree - (nf)
Message-ID: <42200009@convex.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 3-Aug-84 04:37:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: convex.42200009
Posted: Fri Aug  3 04:37:00 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 4-Aug-84 23:47:05 EDT
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Nf-ID: #R:fortune:-390100:convex:42200009:000:4020
Nf-From: convex!hosking    Aug  3 03:37:00 1984

#R:fortune:-390100:convex:42200009:000:4020
convex!hosking    Aug  3 03:37:00 1984

> (ut-ngp!judy)
> There are many children in this world who have NO ONE. These children are
> already here and very much need someone who cares, even if it is a single
> parent. If you are serious about wanting to rear a child, how about
> considering one of them?


Judy, I couldn't agree with this more.  Adopting a child is a simple way of
helping both the parent and child(ren) meet their needs without adding
yet another hungry mouth to the growing world population problem.
In many ways, it's better for all of the parties involved.  Some parents only
want to have boys, others only want girls.  You don't have a lot of control
over such things in most pregnancies.  Some people would love to have children,
but would prefer that their children be born at the age of X, so the parent(s)
won't have to put up with the demands that younger children can place on a
parent.  Still others might want to have children but find it difficult due
to infertility or some other problem.  Pregnancy is not always the most
comfortable experience to endure, and I doubt if anyone can honestly say
they enjoy the thought of going through labor.  (Bill Cosby, keep quiet!)
Others are only concerned about helping needy children.  Adoption gives
both parents and children options they wouldn't otherwise have.

There are also many advantages for the child.  Many of these children are
the result of less than desirable marriages, or even completely unwanted.
Through no fault of their own, they have been placed in the care of an
agency which, under the best of circumstances, can not hope to give a child
the love and care that a real parent or parents could provide.  Children
who are adopted often have the chance to help choose who their new parents
will be.  They even get to take each other for a "test drive".  {:->)

Although there are a lot of advantages to adoption, I think the real issue
that should be addressed is the question of whether the prospective parent
is really in a position to be a good parent to ANY child - whether their
own or adopted.  Children are a BIG responsibility for parents - even more
so for a single parent.  Unless you're independently wealthy, you will
probably need to work at least part time.  By the time you get home from
work, you're likely to be tired and want to relax for a while... but try
explaining that to your child.  Other days you may be too sick to be able
to properly care for your children.  This is a big enough problem for two
parents to deal with sometimes; for a single parent (who often has nobody
else to turn to for help) it's much worse.

The decision to have a child is one which will affect both your own
life and that of your child for many years to come.  It's probably one of the
most important decisions you'll ever make.  If, after serious consideration,
you honestly believe that you are prepared to make the sacrifices that are
necessary to give that child what it deserves, I wish you the best of luck.
Personally, I think I'd have a difficult time trying to raise children
under such circumstances.  As much as I'd like to have them some day,
I wouldn't feel right about intentionally getting into the situation of
trying to raise them as a single parent.  I don't think it's fair to the child.

Perhaps a better thing to do in such cases is to get involved in something like
the big brother/big sister programs.  This allows you to spend time with
children, but doesn't involve nearly the time commitment that's needed to be a
good parent.  Although I believe this is typically done with children who
have lost a parent, I would imagine that an adoption agency would gladly
accept a sincere offer of such help.  Even if it's only for a few hours a
month, you can make a big difference in someone's life.  I'd much rather
do something like that than trade one less than optimal situation (a child
in need of parents) for another (a child in need of a full time parent).


					Doug Hosking
					Convex Computer Corp.
					{allegra,ihnp4}!convex!hosking