Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 exptools 1/6/84; site ihuxr.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!amd!dual!zehntel!ihnp4!ihuxr!lew From: lew@ihuxr.UUCP (Lew Mammel, Jr.) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Beyond Right and Wrong Message-ID: <1160@ihuxr.UUCP> Date: Wed, 1-Aug-84 19:53:12 EDT Article-I.D.: ihuxr.1160 Posted: Wed Aug 1 19:53:12 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 3-Aug-84 02:23:19 EDT Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Lines: 44 I think it's a mistake to base admonitions to children on any sort of abstract precepts, theistic or otherwise. In fact, admonishment is a fruitless form of interaction whatever its basis. Consider stealing. If your child ends up with somebody else's toy, it's only necessary to suggest that it be returned. The reason being that so and so will miss it, or even that it BELONGS to so and so. The later is an abstract reason, but one that children readily comprehend. It is emphatically not necessary to even mention "stealing". The idea that the child has commited a proscribed act, or that this act proceeded from some trait of the child which must be squelched or eliminated, is an adult invention and has little to do with the actual facts. Nietzsche, not usually considered a child care expert, actually makes a lot of relevant points. He emphasizes that "honesty" is a fiction invented as a cuase of "honest" behavior. He generally looks at human behavior with a fresh perspective, just as a title such as "Beyond Good and Evil" would imply. Nietzsche also comments that the principle advantage confered by knowledge is the power to decieve. This brings us to lying. Children have very little power, and many of them discover this ace in the hole. Here again, it is not necessary to admonish a child for "lying". It is not even necessary to point out the disadvantage of "crying wolf", though I have to admit I've resorted to this. Let the kid work it out on his or her own. I think that our anxiety as parents when faced with such behavior is largely generated by our irrational desire to conform, rather than any real concern for the child's development. This is most obvious in the case of swearing. What is that all about anyway? I never could figure it, and I took my stand here. Our children are allowed total freedom of expression. They even swear at us when they are mad enough. Please don't take this to mean that we tolerate arbitrary abuse! The point is, it's the abuse, and not the choice of words that counts. I have found David Bowie's song, "Kooks" to be an inspiration. To me, it reveals that I am not a caretaker appointed by society, but a large person living with some small ones. I think we share sort of a conspiratorial spirit with our kids, a feeling that we know what we are doing better than most. G. K. Chesterton expressed a simmilar idea in one of his quotes about home being a place of freedom, rather than confinement. Lew Mammel, Jr. ihnp4!ihuxr!lew