Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ut-ngp.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!ut-sally!ut-ngp!judy From: judy@ut-ngp.UUCP (Judy Ashworth) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: an open and closed affair Message-ID: <820@ut-ngp.UUCP> Date: Mon, 6-Aug-84 17:31:05 EDT Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.820 Posted: Mon Aug 6 17:31:05 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 8-Aug-84 00:43:47 EDT Organization: Comp. Center, Univ. of Texas at Austin Lines: 44 No, no, no! The difference between an "open" marriage and a "closed" marriage is NOT that the former is "honest" about having affairs and the latter is not. The "open" refers to sexual relationships outside the marriage being allowed, even expected. In a "closed" marriage, these relationships are not allowed or expected, but that doesn't imply that the relationship lacks honesty. It really makes me mad when I get the impression that people EXPECT their spouse to cheat on them sometime - and are willing to accept it. I suppose that with an attitude like this an "open" marriage sounds comforting. But let me tell you from my own experience that IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. You don't have to settle for that. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be forgiving if it does happen, but if you don't want it to happen, it doesn't HAVE to. Don't tell ME about temptation; my marriage survived a year of it because my husband and I were determined to succeed in keeping out such intrusions. For one whole year we put up with only being able to see each other every 90 days - and then only for 12 days at a time. I'm not saying it was easy to remain faithful, it wasn't, but we did it and it was worth it. Now neither Kevin nor I were super-human, so if we could do it - so can you. In that year we learned to keep each other in mind always and not to forget the promises we made to each other in favor of convenient, "instant", temporary, physical gratification. The result is that we never afterward doubted our dedication to each other. However, there was another man who was stationed (with the Air Farce) with Kevin, who had an "open" marriage. For months he boasted about how he could go into town for "some strange" without having to feel the least bit guilty because he and his wife had this "understanding". Up until his wife went there for a visit. (This was a NATO remote* site.) In the week she was up there she managed to bed six other guys, including the Major. Her husband was so humiliated he refused to talk of her for the rest of his tour. I don't know how she could have been so cruel, but after all, according to the "rules" of their marriage, she had done nothing wrong... What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. The unfaithful business man may find that while he was away his wife had been with his best friend ... No wonder Jr. doesn't look like him! It will come back to you. Judy *remote means just that, for instance Hofn, Iceland. No women stationed there, only about 60-70 men.