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From: kathleen@ihuxw.UUCP (K. S. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Dieting?  Read On . . .
Message-ID: <959@ihuxw.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 7-Aug-84 16:25:44 EDT
Article-I.D.: ihuxw.959
Posted: Tue Aug  7 16:25:44 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 8-Aug-84 08:31:34 EDT
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 63



Hello friends,

Any guilty dieters out there?  Well, this little bit of information
that was passed on to me should cheer you up.


1)  Forget what the cookbooks tell you, plain yogurt tastes nothing
    like sour cream.

2)  Any recipe calling for soybeans tastes like mud.

3)  Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate.  Indeed,
    carob is not an acceptable substitute for anything, except,
    perhaps brown shoe polish.

4)  There is no such thing as a "fun salad."  So let's stop
    pretending and see salads for what they are:  God's punishment
    for getting fat.
    (and certainly staying that way!)

5)  Chicken without the skin tastes as unpleasant as it looks.

6)  Fruit salad without maraschino cherries and marshmellows is
    about as appealing as tepid beer.

7)  A world lacking gravy is a tragic place!

8)  You should immediately pass up any recipes entitled "luscious
    and low-cal."  They aren't!  Also skip dishes featuring
    "lively liver."  It isn't!!

9)  Wesring a blindfold may make many diet foods more palatable.

10)  Fresh fruit is not dessert.  CAKE is dessert!

11)  Okra tastes slightly worse than its name implies.

12)  A plain baked potato is not worth the effort involved in
     chewing and swallowing.

Now that you have read the above, you'll be prepared the next time
some housewife or boutique owner-turned-diet-expert appears on TV
to plug her latest book.  And if you still feel a twinge of guilt
eating coffee cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself
the following questions:

1.  Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts
    a food?

2.  Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
    exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?

3.  Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as
    prescribed . . . without French-fried onion rings, pizza with
    double cheese, or the occasional Mai Tai?

That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.


(above information reflects no opinion of mine, but is being passed
on as a public service announcement from a friend of mine to you)