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From: israel@qantel.UUCP ( Renegade)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: True Grit Mysteries - part 4
Message-ID: <167@qantel.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 2-Aug-84 12:49:58 EDT
Article-I.D.: qantel.167
Posted: Thu Aug  2 12:49:58 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 4-Aug-84 02:10:09 EDT
Organization: MDS Qantel, Hayward CA.
Lines: 46

< "This time for sure..." >


TALES OF ROGER GUTS, PI

   I usually could pick up the best dirt in town on just about anyone from
Siggy the Snitch. I found him in a sleazy downtown bar. He was talking
with Mike Wallace from 60 Minutes. I caught Siggy's eye.
   "Could you hang on a moment, Mike? A previous commitment just walked in."
He sauntered down the bar to my stool, and sat down next to me.
   "Well, what can I do for my best customer today? For $300 I can give
you a map to Hoffa's grave. For $400 I can tell you who REALLY killed
JFK."
   I was feeling smug. "Got anything on the number of killer satellites
Russia is launching this week?"
   Siggy frowned. "Gee, Roger, I'm sorry. I just sold that to that other
guy down there..." He motioned in Wallaces' direction. "If you had
called ahead, I could have saved it for you..."
   "Oh never mind, Siggy. Look, the real reason I'm here is that I'm
trying to get a line on a guy who may be dealing in illegal hamsters..."
   Siggy's face went pale. He looked nervously to either side, then
he pressed in close, and whispered "You don't mean you're goin' after
`Baby Face' Gerbil, do ya? That crew of VC hamster refugees of his have
been extorting protection money from every business this side of town."
   I was on to something. "What's the scam?"
   "It's so simple, it's brilliant! If they don't pay up, his hamsters
slip inside and eat the money!"
   "But what if it's kept in a safe?"
   "They're trained to carry and place little pieces of plastic explosives
to the safe. Then they carry the detonator wires to the charge, Baby Face
pushes the button, and one BOOM later, they've got the goods."
   Things were falling into place. The hamsters carried plastic explosives
through the mousehole in Ramona's bathroom, waited til she sat down, then
ran back to Gerbil, signalling him to set off the bomb laid around the toilet.
Now I had the how and the who, but still didn't know why.
   "Thanks Siggy. How much I owe ya?"
   "Oh, skip it, Rog. Just knowing a guy with the sheer guts to take on
a monster like that is payment enough for me!"
   I like Siggy, but he's kinda a jerk.
   When I got back to the office, the place was wrecked. My desk was
covered with little black pellets. The sign was unmistakable - Gerbil
had discovered I was on to him, and was warning me to back off.
Things were about to start getting rough.

                   TO BE CONTINUED...