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From: burden@cheers.DEC (Dave Burden   ---   381-2559)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Hopefully offensive to orphans and maybe Australians
Message-ID: <3335@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 14-Aug-84 16:09:51 EDT
Article-I.D.: decwrl.3335
Posted: Tue Aug 14 16:09:51 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 16-Aug-84 03:31:11 EDT
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
Lines: 43



Anti-Orphan Group Thrives

	"They spend years searching for their natural parents, convinced their 
parents will be happy to see them.  I mean, really, can you imagine someone 
being happy to see an orphan?  Nobody wants them...that's why they're orphans!"
	The speaker is Anne Baker, founder and guiding force behind 
Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the 
whereabouts of their natural parents.  She is a woman with a mission:
	"Basically, what we do is band together to exchange information about 
which orphans are looking for which parents in what part of the country.  
We're completely computerized.
	"The idea is to throw the orphans as many red herrings and false leads 
as possible.  We'll tell some twenty-three-year-old loser that his real 
parents can be found at a certain address on the other side of the country.  
Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared.  They look over 
the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons...yeah, they 
used to live here...I think they moved out about five years ago.  I think they 
went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.'
	"Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.  
He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue.
	"It's really amazing how much these kids will put with.  Last year we 
even sent one kid all the way to Australia.  I mean, really.  Besides, if your 
natural parents were Australian, would you want to meet them?"
	Mrs. Baker formed her group three years ago.  At first, members came 
solely from the ranks of parents who had given their children up for adoption 
-- parents who feared having some kid show up on their doorstep to complicate 
their lives.  Then adoptive parents joined in.  They were upset about raising 
kids for twenty years only to have them leave in search of natural parents.
	After a while, word about the organization spread.  "Now," says Mrs. 
Baker, beaming broadly, "we have people from all walks of life.  Jesse Helms 
is on our board of directors.
	"After all, who doesn't like to play a practical joke on an orphan?"




Dave Burden		decvax!decwrl!rhea!cheers!burden
			603-881-2559  DEC  Nashua, NH


			"Thank you Sir.  May I have another."