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From: pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: emotional control in the workplace
Message-ID: <2071@hplabsb.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 10-Feb-84 13:33:06 EST
Article-I.D.: hplabsb.2071
Posted: Fri Feb 10 13:33:06 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 11-Feb-84 23:23:59 EST
Organization: Hewlett Packard Labs, Palo Alto CA
Lines: 60


	I would appreciate input from people in personnel, management,
or other places in the corporation/institution about the place of
emotional expression in the work environment.  My experience is that
feelings must be hidden, except for anger (which is tolerated, but not
approved of).  In particular:

	ANGER:  I have spent enough time in my life learning how to
recognize my own anger BEFORE it turns into devasting depression that 
I value being able to express that feeling.  I DO NOT believe that this 
includes screaming at my colleagues or using vulgarities.  Rather, it 
means being able to take aside the person (if I'm not just angry with
myself or a situation) and showing a little "intensity," as well as 
communicating why I'm angry.  Years of programming make this very
difficult.  I was raised to be a "lady."

	SADNESS:  Have you ever cried at work in front of a colleague?
Of course, not all crying is out of sadness, so I guess I may have this
one mislabeled.  This is not one I've ever had much luck with.  As with
many women (I do know of a man who got "choked up" at work one time), 
crying may communicate embarrassment, anger, sadness, pain, or frustration 
for me.  Is crying taboo?  Does it affect the way colleagues perceive
you PROFESSIONALLY?  Is it possible to change the way people think, so
that crying is not seen as a weakness?

	FEAR: Or more likely, insecurity.  Admitting a shortcoming or
self-doubt to one's supervisor seems to be the kiss of professional death.
There are those who have never doubted their ability and, in reflection,
have never found a flaw in their performance.  What do you do when you
do see flaws and don't know quite how to avoid them next time?  I have
met virtually no colleagues who are willing to talk about their faux pas.
In my experience, trying to get assistance to "improve" is uniformly
disdained.  People at work seem to equate an admission of imperfection
with an admission of inferiority or subordination.

	If you're wondering what this submission is doing in net.women,
it is here because I believe that the advent of women in traditionally
male dominated fields has brought these points into question.  Most of
the women I know are susceptible to failing to "rise" in the organization
because they do not adhere to the practice (habit? regimen?) of hiding
all of their feelings (except, as I mentioned, anger).  (NOTE: I know 
of no women in upper management, but my impression of those who have made
it is that they have learned (or were trained) to mimic the traditional
model: no emotions surface, no openness in getting professional advice, ....)

	Without making this too much longer, I'd like to mention that I
think the problem extends beyond emotional (lack of) control to other 
personality traits which are often associated with women or men.

	QUESTIONS: (In addition to those raised above)
	1. Is it possible to change the American workplace so that
expressions of feelings are respected? so that the person is respected?
	2. Is it desirable to make that change?
	3. How can these changes come about?


						Patricia Collins
						hplabs