Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 exptools 1/6/84; site ihuxb.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxb!reza From: reza@ihuxb.UUCP (H. Reza Taheri) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Funniest Newspaper Headlines Message-ID: <495@ihuxb.UUCP> Date: Fri, 10-Feb-84 12:17:13 EST Article-I.D.: ihuxb.495 Posted: Fri Feb 10 12:17:13 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 11-Feb-84 08:27:03 EST Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Lines: 63 This is a number of very funny, yet true, newspaper headlines. It is called "SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM", edited by the Columbia school of Journalism, copyright 1965, 1980 Columbia University. Copied without permission. Each headline is followed by the name of the paper that published it and the publication date. 1- Chester Morrill, 92, Was Fed Secretary. Washington "Post", 4/21/78. 2- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures. San Clemente, Cal., "Sun-Post", 1/17/77. 3- Chinese apeman dated. Portland "Oregonian", 7/26/75. 4- Former man dies in California. Fremont County, Idaho, "Chronicle-News", 2/13/75. 5- Drunk gets nine months in violin case. Lethbridge, Atla, "Herald", 10/30/76. 6- Shut-Ins Can Grow Indoors With Lights. Miami "Herald", 7/21/78. 7- One witness told the commissioners that she had seen sexual intercourse taking place between two parked cars in front of her house. Atlantic City, N.J., "Press", 6/14/79. 8- Obituaries Fri, July 28, 1976 -------------------------------------------------------- | Many persons died this week in and near Seattle. | | And that accounts for the large number of obituaries | | appearing in this morning's "Post-Intelligencer". | -------------------------------------------------------- 9- Stud tires out. Ridgewood, N.J., "News", 3/30/78. 10- Legalized Outhouses Aired by Legislator. Hartford, Conn., "Courant", 3/10/73. 11- Lucky Man Sees Pals Die. Baltimore "News American", 4.4.78. 12- State dinner featured cat, American food. Bellingham, Wash. "Herald", 2/15/77. 13- Difference between day and night found on tour of Torrington schools. Torrington, Conn., "register", 5/19/77. 14-All Utah Condemned To Face Firing Squad. Washington "Post", 3/9/80. 15- Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery. Buffalo "News", 9/19/75. 16- New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex. St. Louis "Post-Dispath", 2/26/78. H. Reza Taheri ...!(most major machines on the net)!ihnp4!ihuxb!reza (312)-979-1040