Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!security!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!clyde!floyd!whuxle!pyuxll!abnjh!u1100a!houxm!npois!npoiv!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!meri From: meri@rlgvax.UUCP Newsgroups: net.women Subject: RE: Friends and Lovers Message-ID: <1167@rlgvax.UUCP> Date: Thu, 10-Mar-83 17:52:07 EST Article-I.D.: rlgvax.1167 Posted: Thu Mar 10 17:52:07 1983 Date-Received: Fri, 16-Dec-83 03:21:05 EST Expires: Sat, 10-Mar-84 00:00:00 EST Lines: 39 TO: net.women RE: Friends and Lovers I thought it was about time a women's point-of-view was heard on the ref topic - so here goes. A man and woman who develop a mutual friendship and carry that friendship on to a more intimate (sexual) relationship is, I think, terrific!! As long as both parties understand and except the relationship for what it is (i.e. friends sharing dinner, conversation, sex or whatever). I think alot of the problems with these type of amicable relationships begin when one of the parties begins to want or expect more than the other is willing or ready to give. I think is it these added pressures that sometimes cause "nasty" breakups. Why can't people accept a relationship for what it is and not read more into to it than is there? The important rule here is to be straightforward in the beginning - layout some ground rules so there won't be any misunderstandings. This may sound callous, but it can keep a mutually rewarding relationship flourishing. Fortunately, most of my past friend/lover relationships, although we are nolonger lovers we have remained friends, because we were first and foremost friends. The one or two, I can think of right off hand, that I have not remain cordial with was because THEY choose not to. And I've chalked those relationships up to bad judgement on my part. (Everyone is entitled to at least one mistake.) If that person was interesting enough in the first place to attract my attention why should having sex or not having sex with each other effect what was originally the attraction? Unless sex WAS the attraction, but that's a whole different subject. Does this make sense or am I rambling? Oh well, I think I got my point across. I would like to hear some other women's opinions on this "touchy" subject. One Womans point-of-view! meri