Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 9/27/83; site hplabsb.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!floyd!harpo!seismo!hao!hplabs!hplabsb!pc From: pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: emotional control in the workplace Message-ID: <2071@hplabsb.UUCP> Date: Fri, 10-Feb-84 13:33:06 EST Article-I.D.: hplabsb.2071 Posted: Fri Feb 10 13:33:06 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 11-Feb-84 23:23:59 EST Organization: Hewlett Packard Labs, Palo Alto CA Lines: 60 I would appreciate input from people in personnel, management, or other places in the corporation/institution about the place of emotional expression in the work environment. My experience is that feelings must be hidden, except for anger (which is tolerated, but not approved of). In particular: ANGER: I have spent enough time in my life learning how to recognize my own anger BEFORE it turns into devasting depression that I value being able to express that feeling. I DO NOT believe that this includes screaming at my colleagues or using vulgarities. Rather, it means being able to take aside the person (if I'm not just angry with myself or a situation) and showing a little "intensity," as well as communicating why I'm angry. Years of programming make this very difficult. I was raised to be a "lady." SADNESS: Have you ever cried at work in front of a colleague? Of course, not all crying is out of sadness, so I guess I may have this one mislabeled. This is not one I've ever had much luck with. As with many women (I do know of a man who got "choked up" at work one time), crying may communicate embarrassment, anger, sadness, pain, or frustration for me. Is crying taboo? Does it affect the way colleagues perceive you PROFESSIONALLY? Is it possible to change the way people think, so that crying is not seen as a weakness? FEAR: Or more likely, insecurity. Admitting a shortcoming or self-doubt to one's supervisor seems to be the kiss of professional death. There are those who have never doubted their ability and, in reflection, have never found a flaw in their performance. What do you do when you do see flaws and don't know quite how to avoid them next time? I have met virtually no colleagues who are willing to talk about their faux pas. In my experience, trying to get assistance to "improve" is uniformly disdained. People at work seem to equate an admission of imperfection with an admission of inferiority or subordination. If you're wondering what this submission is doing in net.women, it is here because I believe that the advent of women in traditionally male dominated fields has brought these points into question. Most of the women I know are susceptible to failing to "rise" in the organization because they do not adhere to the practice (habit? regimen?) of hiding all of their feelings (except, as I mentioned, anger). (NOTE: I know of no women in upper management, but my impression of those who have made it is that they have learned (or were trained) to mimic the traditional model: no emotions surface, no openness in getting professional advice, ....) Without making this too much longer, I'd like to mention that I think the problem extends beyond emotional (lack of) control to other personality traits which are often associated with women or men. QUESTIONS: (In addition to those raised above) 1. Is it possible to change the American workplace so that expressions of feelings are respected? so that the person is respected? 2. Is it desirable to make that change? 3. How can these changes come about? Patricia Collins hplabs