Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!security!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!clyde!floyd!whuxle!pyuxll!abnjh!u1100a!houxm!npois!npoiv!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!meri
From: meri@rlgvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: RE:  Friends and Lovers
Message-ID: <1167@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 10-Mar-83 17:52:07 EST
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.1167
Posted: Thu Mar 10 17:52:07 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 16-Dec-83 03:21:05 EST
Expires: Sat, 10-Mar-84 00:00:00 EST
Lines: 39

TO:  net.women  RE:  Friends and Lovers


I thought it was about time a women's point-of-view  was heard on
the ref topic - so here goes.

A man and woman who develop a mutual friendship and carry that
friendship on to a more intimate (sexual) relationship is, I
think, terrific!!  As long as both parties understand and except
the relationship for what it is (i.e. friends sharing dinner,
conversation, sex or whatever).  I think alot of the problems
with these type of amicable relationships begin when one of the
parties begins to want or expect more than the other is willing
or ready to give.  I think is it these added pressures that
sometimes cause "nasty" breakups.  Why can't people accept a
relationship for what it is and not read more into to it than is
there?  The important rule here is to be straightforward in the
beginning - layout some ground rules so there won't be any
misunderstandings.  This may sound callous, but it can keep a
mutually rewarding relationship flourishing.

Fortunately, most of my past friend/lover relationships, although
we are nolonger lovers we have remained friends, because we were
first and foremost friends.  The one or two, I can think of right
off hand, that I have not remain cordial with was because THEY
choose not to.  And I've chalked those relationships up to bad
judgement on my part.  (Everyone is entitled to at least one
mistake.)  If that person was interesting enough in the first
place to attract my attention why should having sex or not having
sex with each other effect what was originally the attraction?
Unless sex WAS the attraction, but that's a whole different
subject.   Does this make sense or am I rambling?  Oh well, I
think I got my point across.

I would like to hear some other women's opinions on this "touchy"
subject.

One Womans point-of-view!
meri