Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!houxm!hogpc!hogpd!jrrt From: jrrt@hogpd.UUCP (R.MITCHELL) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: On cold fish and castles Message-ID: <281@hogpd.UUCP> Date: Fri, 17-Feb-84 15:47:17 EST Article-I.D.: hogpd.281 Posted: Fri Feb 17 15:47:17 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 18-Feb-84 03:47:33 EST Lines: 38 When Richard Bloiun snarls at Laura for being devoid of sensitivity, compassion, and love, he is revealing a lack of understanding concerning Laura's point. I suppose Laura is the appropriate one to write a response, but I'll chime in to show that Laura is not alone in her view. To quote Mr. Bloiun: Those among us who have lost someone we loved deeply know what pain we are talking about. It is unnecessary to elaborate on it among ourselves, and pointless to try to explain it to someone who hasn't been there. So please save us the 200-line rhetoric, will ya? What makes you think Laura (and others who agree with her) have never lost someone they deeply love? Laura certainly has; she's said so on the net. I certainly have, as well. Feeling sorrow is reasonable and appropriate. What is unreasonable and inappropriate is to devote all one's attention on that sorrow, to channel that pain into unproductive, self-destructive self-pity. A mature acceptance of the death of a loved one will allow you to honor their memory by continuing to behave in the manner that won their approval and love in the first place. (Note: I assume that your behavior created the love, not the other way around). One other point: presumably almost all of us have someone who depends on us for something. We make commitments all the time -- to our employers/employees, to our relatives and friends, to our creditors, and a whole host of other people. When I make a commitment, it is my moral obligation to satisfy that commitment, regardless of events in my personal life (Disclaimers: if you believe otherwise, this point won't be worth much to you. Also, this moral imperative is mine; I make no claim that it is also Laura's or anyone else's). Therefore, when I lost my grandmother, a woman VERY close to me, I did not even go to her funeral because a group I was working with needed my contribution on time. My relatives are still in a huff about the matter, but that's their problem. Rob Mitchell {allegra,ihnp4}!hogpd!jrrt