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From: jrrt@hogpd.UUCP (R.MITCHELL)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: On cold fish and castles
Message-ID: <281@hogpd.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 17-Feb-84 15:47:17 EST
Article-I.D.: hogpd.281
Posted: Fri Feb 17 15:47:17 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 18-Feb-84 03:47:33 EST
Lines: 38

When Richard Bloiun snarls at Laura for being devoid of sensitivity,
compassion, and love, he is revealing a lack of understanding
concerning Laura's point.  I suppose Laura is the appropriate one to
write a response, but I'll chime in to show that Laura is not alone in
her view.

To quote Mr. Bloiun:
	Those among us who have lost someone we loved deeply know what pain
we are talking about. It is unnecessary to elaborate on it among ourselves,
and pointless to try to explain it to someone who hasn't been there. So
please save us the 200-line rhetoric, will ya?

What makes you think Laura (and others who agree with her) have
never lost someone they deeply love?  Laura certainly has; she's
said so on the net.  I certainly have, as well.  Feeling sorrow is
reasonable and appropriate.  What is unreasonable and inappropriate
is to devote all one's attention on that sorrow, to channel that
pain into unproductive, self-destructive self-pity.   A mature
acceptance of the death of a loved one will allow you to honor their
memory by continuing to behave in the manner that won their approval
and love in the first place.  (Note: I assume that your behavior
created the love, not the other way around).

One other point: presumably almost all of us have someone who
depends on us for something.  We make commitments all the time -- to
our employers/employees, to our relatives and friends, to our
creditors, and a whole host of other people.  When I make a
commitment, it is my moral obligation to satisfy that commitment,
regardless of events in my personal life (Disclaimers: if you believe
otherwise, this point won't be worth much to you.  Also, this moral
imperative is mine; I make no claim that it is also Laura's or
anyone else's).  Therefore, when I lost my grandmother, a woman VERY
close to me, I did not even go to her funeral because a group I was
working with needed my contribution on time.  My relatives are still
in a huff about the matter, but that's their problem.  

Rob Mitchell
{allegra,ihnp4}!hogpd!jrrt