Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site pegasus.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!pegasus!avi From: avi@pegasus.UUCP (Avi E. Gross) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: re:Do [wo]mens attitudes change toward you when you get engaged? Message-ID: <986@pegasus.UUCP> Date: Thu, 23-Feb-84 20:23:19 EST Article-I.D.: pegasus.986 Posted: Thu Feb 23 20:23:19 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 24-Feb-84 03:08:06 EST References: <842@ssc-vax.UUCP> Organization: AT&T Information Systems, Lincroft NJ Lines: 35 Marla Baer (ssc-vax!marla) has made some valid points in response to my original article. I was commenting on my perception that women seem friendlier toward me now. I have received several letters on the topic and have been doing some thinking. I would say that I have changed my attitude. I am more relaxed around women, because I do not spend (as much) time noticing how attractive they are and trying to figure out how to get closer to them or impress them. I can be more like myself (whatever that means!) and they tend to notice it. This is actually rather pleasant, because I can share myself more freely, without worrying that I might be giving a wrong (meaning "right") impression or driving them away. They only become important as friends -- not as potential lovers. On the other hand, there are others who hear about my engagement and come rushing over to congratulate me. In their case, they have not had a chance to react to my behavior, and must be operating out of their past experience with other engaged/married people. I get the impression that a lot of [wo]men would love to be able to have normal friendly relations with members of the appropriate gender -- if they could be sure that sex was not an issue. It is somewhat sad that many people (including myself) have not learned how to deal with this in a more adult manner. I am always (mis)interpreting social cues -- and often find that the women who are friendliest to me are all in comfortable relationships. Now that I am in one, maybe I will be able to drive some poor unsuspecting women crazy by being nice to them -- and then going home alone. :-) While we are on the topic, I am curious about the ways people tend to treat someone who is recently widowed or divorced. (No, I am not making any such plans). Do we ascribe all kinds of 'evil" thoughts to them and assume that they are "hot to trot"? -- -=> Avi E. Gross @ AT&T Information Systems Laboratories (201) 576-6241 suggested paths: [ihnp4, allegra, cbosg, hogpc, ...]!pegasus!avi