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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxi!snafu
From: snafu@ihuxi.UUCP (Dave Wallis)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: More (urgently!) needed instructions
Message-ID: <799@ihuxi.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 11-Feb-84 15:25:39 EST
Article-I.D.: ihuxi.799
Posted: Sat Feb 11 15:25:39 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 15-Feb-84 04:27:34 EST
Organization: AT&T Technologies, Inc., Naperville Il.
Lines: 88

OK, enough is enough. If I have to read all of YOUR drivel, you have
to read mine too!!!!!
When I design my own computer, it will definately support these
instructions. Maybe then I'll be able to do some real work.


AAC ..... Alter All Commands
AAR ..... Alter At Random
AB ...... Add Backwards
AFVC .... Add Finagle's Variable Constant
AIB ..... Attack Innocent Bystander
AWTT .... Assemble With Tinker Toys
BAC ..... Branch to Alpha Centauri
BAF ..... Blow All Fuses
BCIL .... Branch Creating Infinite Loop
BDC ..... Break Down and Cry
BF ...... Belch Fire
BDT ..... Burn Data Tree
BW ...... Branch on Whim
CBNC .... Close, But No Cigar
CH ...... Create Havoc
CMD ..... Compare Meaningless Data
CML ..... Compute Meaning of Life
COLB .... Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
CRASH ... Continue Running After Stop or Halt
CS ...... Crash System
CSL ..... Curse and Swear Loudly
CVG ..... ConVert to Garbage
DBZ ..... Divide By Zero
DDC ..... Dally During Calculations
DMPE .... Decide to Major in Phys. Ed.
DOC ..... Drive Operator Crazy
DLN ..... Don't Look Now.....
DPMI .... Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
DPR ..... Destroy Program
DTC ..... Destroy This Command
DTVFL ... Destroy Third Variable From Left
DW ...... Destroy World
ECO ..... Electrocute Computer Operator
EIAO .... Execute In Any Order
ENF ..... Emit Noxious Fumes
EP ...... Execute Programmer
FLI ..... Flash Lights Impressively
FSM ..... Fold, Spindle, and Mutilate
GCAR .... Get Correct Answer Regardless
GDP ..... Grin Defiantly at Programmer
HCF ..... Halt and Catch Fire
HCP ..... Hide Central Processor
ISC ..... Insert Sarcastic Comments
JTZ ..... Jump to Twilight Zone
LAP ..... Laugh At Program(mer)
LPA ..... Lead Programmer Astray
MAZ ..... Multiply Answer by Zero
MW ...... Malfunction Whenever
MWT ..... Malfunction Without Telling
OML ..... Obey Murphy's Laws
PEHC .... Punch Extra Holes in Cards
PNRP .... Print Nasty replies to Programmer
RA ...... Randomize Answer
RCB ..... Read Commands Backward
RDA ..... Refuse to Disclose Answer
RLI ..... Rotate Left Indefinitely
RPM ..... Read Programmer's Mind
RRSGWSSNK Round and Round She Goes, Where She Stops, Nobody Knows
SAI ..... Skip All Instructions
SCCA .... Short Circuit on Correct Answer
SFH ..... Set Flags to Half-mast
SFT ..... Stall For Time
SOS ..... Sign Off, Stupid
SRDR .... Shift Right, Double Rediculous
TARC .... Take Arithmatic Review Course
TLO ..... Turn indicator Lights Off
TN ...... Take a Nap
TPDH .... Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Her self
TTA ..... Try, Try Again
UP ...... Understand Program
YKWIM ... You Know What I Mean
WSWW .... Work in Strange and Wonderous Ways


P.S. it took a long time to collect all of these!
-- 


                              Dave Wallis
                           ihnp4!ihuxi!snafu
                         AT&T Technologies, Inc.
                            (312) 979-5894