From: utzoo!utcsrgv!lgondor
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Better mousetraps
Article-I.D.: utcsrgv.1188
Posted: Wed Mar 16 09:18:43 1983
Received: Wed Mar 16 09:46:03 1983

                      The Better Mouse Trap

Place cat in trap; cat is polar opposite of mouse; opposites  at-
tract.   Cat  attracts mouse.  Remove mouse from interior of cat.
Re-assemble.

Strew house with cheese-flavoured  steel  wool.   Apply  magnetic
field  to  trap.   Mouse eats steel wool.  A concentrated beam of
mice flows into trap.  Cut beam into small sections to obtain in-
dividual mice.

Assume that there are mice in the house.   Ascertain  that  there
are  no mice in the area outside the trap.  Therefore, there is a
mouse inside the trap.  Go look.

Assume that there are no mice in the house.  Question the  neces-
sity  of  the trap.  Decide that the trap prevents the occurrence
of mice.  Forget the whole thing.

Place a photograph of cheese inside the trap.  Catch a photograph
of  a  mouse.   Assume  that the mouse will eventually drop by to
pick up his picture.  Wait.

Greatly increase the gravitational field  in  vicinity  of  trap.
Mice  are drawn inexorably drawn to trap, as are you, your furni-
ture, your family and several square miles of your neighbourhood.
Sort through debris to find mouse.

Locate mouse-hole.  Invert it and mouse will fall out.  Pick  him
up and put him into trap.  Smile inscrutably.

Spray infinite area outside trap  with  mouse  repellent.   Mouse
will  be forced into trap.  Spray area inside trap with mouse re-
pellent.  Mouse will be forced into your waiting hands.  Gloat.

Place condensed mouse in trap.  Add water.  Wait ten seconds  for
mouse to rehydrate.  Stir well.

Establish mouse-brothel in trap.  Blow whistle and raid it.

Determine that there are not, and never  will  be,  mice  in  the
trap.  Don't give a damn.  Go fishing.

Ascribe mouselike qualities to anything that enters the trap.  Be
eloquent.

Postulate that there is no good reason why a mouse ought  not  to
be in the trap.  Assuming the universe to be reasonable, you find
that there is a mouse in the trap.  Grab him before the  universe
becomes less reasonable.

Reprinted from CHIME - newsletter of Chicago Area Mensa.